For the distant

I often wonder why each day of our lives we either forget things that spark joy or take on things that overshadow joy. Everything that we do is in the hope that there will be a tomorrow and that we want it to be better. When that tomorrow arrives, it is spent as an investment for the future. Is it practical to look forward to something that may never come? Or is it practical to completely deny the possibility of a future that rests on the present foundation? Almost everything that we do is in preparation for the future. We are told to go to school because we need to go to college. We are told to go to college because we need to work. We are told to go to work because we need to support a family. The cycle is never ending, there is always because 'insert something in the future'. We are rarely told to live in the present. Every struggle in the present is justified as a sacrifice for the future. The conditioning, the cautioning, has made me fear the future. When something is unknown, it is daunting, but when it is unpredictable, is it worth the fear? I constantly tell myself that I have feared the future in the past but the present is testimony that I need not have feared. However, this rationality is  overruled by that irrational fear. I hear things about how the future only gets worse, you only need to keep working harder. I hear that I absolutely need to do certain things if I want the future to be better even if these things might not be meaningful now. Why do we live for something that someone says? Why do we seek to please people? Why do we not strive to shape our own lives? Even though I ask these questions momentarily to myself, I snap back to being the lump of clay waiting to be shaped by someone. It is difficult to find your own space, find strength to assert your beliefs and ignore society. This constant battle is exhausting but at the same time empowering.