Out Of The Window

I woke up at 5 am this morning and stared at the ceiling, waiting for two hours to pass before I could get up and do something for the day. In those two hours like numerous other hours on numerous other days, I kept thinking about things I could do to make my day productive. In the first few days after I finished my final semester, it took me a while to let go of my lingering anxiety. Every moment of rest felt unreal, almost illegal because I felt I was doing something I shouldn’t be. Eventually a pattern set in and I loved every moment of not doing anything. It soon became disturbing when I constantly felt the need to make the best use of this time, to be productive, to throw myself into something meaningful which would have value for my career. I felt inadequate when I saw my peers posting screenshots of their certificates and internships. I was doing something throughout the day though, from putting clothes in the washing machine to drying them, trying new recipes, painting with no