Hope, Choice and Joy

This morning was like any other familiar morning. I was feeling restless and frustrated like I have been feeling for the past month with me taking more than necessary stress for my exams. I went down to buy vegetables when these tiny children from a construction site held up a deflated balloon and looked up at me with hope in their eyes that I would be able to blow it back for them. I remembered I had balloons at home so I asked them to wait and I got some. As I filled the balloon with air, their eyes widened in wonder and excitement. I couldn't help but smile. There was something so genuine about their curiosity. Each of them had their own distinct personality and ways of charming me into giving them another balloon. A lovely shy one, a mischevious talkative one, a mature polite one and a happy squeaking one. It was a moment of pure joy and sharing but soon a tiny guilt started creeping in. I gave them balloons, it was a fleeting speck of happiness and I have so much more to give. I could teach them to read and write letters or numbers, wouldn't that be more meaningful? Wouldn't that communicate empathy? But does that also mean that I consider my ways of knowing and living superior? That smile on their faces was true happiness however short-lived. That experience matters and it holds value. I might consider my act of giving the balloon as just sympathy, maybe something I did to clear my own conscience a little. I don't know what the future holds for these children and for that matter I don't know what it holds for me either. Since the time this memory happened, it has only been a few hours and I'm back to stressing about my own life and its uncertainties. In some corner of my mind I'm thinking I should buy a slate and chalk and maybe give teaching them something a shot but something is also telling me that I  am trying to be a 'rescuer' without knowing if they actually need it. These conflicts will continue in some corner of my head largely overshadowed by the hundred other things in my mind but since I've gotten this out here, the hope is I make a meaningful choice. 




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